Summer in Malaysia

So, here I am. 3 days away from my flight to Egypt.

I am neither sad nor happy. Extremely indifferent to the situation.

Considering I would not be coming back here for about 2 years and 3 months, the fact that I would miss my bestie's wedding, and also my brother's wedding... I should feel something? But sadly, (or should i feel thankful that I'm not on a nervous breakdown or something?) I am emotionally drained. To me, the holiday ended a long time ago. The school break was still on, but my heart longed to be back in Egypt. Back to the simple life I led there.

I guess only a few people know what I'm really going through. The experience that I got this year changed me. In a good way. Somehow I feel a bit more prepared for whatever the future holds. I've learnt that life is short - learn to appreciate the ones who appreciate you.

I have also learned that seriously, doubly seriously, if you don't have substance - love, passion, honesty, kindness, respect - you ain't going nowhere.

And lastly, friendship is the only bond that lasts (excluding family ties. that's never gonna break too, no matter how you don't like it). I thank Allah for granting me friendships that lasts since they started. To those  friends which i chose to let go, I believed it was for the best. These let-go's were heartbreaking, but necessary. I think. I don't know, but do believe that breaking a friendship is better than creating an enemy. Part ways, and move on different paths. No harm done whatsoever to our futures.

In the short span of two and a half months here in KL, I have gotten myself into a mixture of situations. There were times I felt love so great it was overwhelming - I never thought I would feel that way again. But I did, and still do. Thank you for never giving up on me. There were times when I had conflicts all around, and nobody was there for me but my depressing blog. *peluk blog kuat-kuat*. And there were family issues here and there, as usual, but through it all, we became closer to one another. Alhamdulillah.

I consider myself extremely lucky.

so yeah, I would like to end this entry with a few things I put in my wishlist for the coming academic year.
1) start taking guitar lessons. like really learn to play. I have a guitar in Egypt but never plucked a tune with it.
2) I wanna get serious at getting back in shape. seriously. doubly serious.
3) be a better person.

(academic la sgt wishlist aku kan?)

Impian Seorang Narsis

Ada ketika dia bermimpi,
Untuk menjadi sempurna,
Dikagumi dan digilai ramai,
Setiap katanya bagai kanun,
Dipercayai penuh otomatis,

Dalam konteks dunia sosialis,

Rupa gaya dan harta yang terutama,
Hati dan budi kedua ketiga,
Mudah hidup sedemikian,
Segala rintangan ditempuh rupawan

Tenanglah Di Sana

Dunia ini tak sempurna bagimu,
Terlalu banyak cela,
Tidak memahami dirimu,
Pintamu yang tertinggi,
Kau impi yang terdalam,
Jasadmu di bumi,
Kudratmu sejauh musytari
Kau istimewa tersendiri

Pergilah, pergilah,
Tiada lagi buatmu di sini,
Tiada hutang yang perlu dijelas,
Tiada dendam yang perlu dibalas,
Tenanglah di sana,
Di dalam taman syurga,
Kelak ketemu bersama,
Tiada duka, hanya bahagia

Do you?

As we sit on the ground,
Wind caressing our faces,
The smell of rain in the air,
Damp soft grass pillow our seats,
Do you feel how I feel?

Pretty lights around the park,
Happy people laugh out loud,
A pretty plane flew above us,

Twinkling red and blue lights,
Do you see what I see?

My heart beating fast,
Breathing becomes uneven,
Blood vessels pulsating in my ears,
I hide these with a deep sigh,
Do you hear what I hear?

I see visions of us coming here again,
Hand in hand side by side,
Talking about the last visit,
Tickled by memories of the past,
Do you want what I want?

Fountain Of A Thousand Wishes

Where do I find,
The fountain of a thousand wishes,
If a penny grants a desire,
I could spend a fortune,
And a penny more than I could ever afford,
To stop the time,
Spend an eternity by your side,
Just looking at you

Unmet desires.

I don't know why,
at times i feel so empty,
like a dying battery,
the metallic taste of both poles,
doesn't reflect the life it holds,
the end has come,
to its end it shall succumb.

I don't know why,
This whole life business is tiring,
too much regrets and too much worrying,
we start our day with so many visions,
but the day ends with so many questions,
we are heroes in our dreams,
and wake up to be slaves of our dreams.

I don't know why,
We have desires,
Craving that never tires,
Need to get rid of these longings,
of love, of care, of things,
Necessities make us weak,
Needs make us bleak,

and desires make us fools.

Ko buat tak betul, Aku buat takpe

Pernah tak korang jumpa orang jenis macam ni? Jenis yang kalau die buat sesuatu benda salah tu, its ok. But kalau org lain buat, TAKBOLEH!

Macam masa kecik-kecik, orang tua-tua cakap "jangan makan leher ayam, nanti masa kahwin ko dapat torticolis (yakni teleng)." but at the end of the meal, die yang nyotnyot semua leher ayam. Bila kita tanya, ade je alasan die contohnya

"aku dah kawin siap bersanding lama dah"
"oh, budak2 je yang takleh makan leher ayam"
"ko lain, aku lain"

Apa korang buat dengan situasi macam nih? Susah nak argue dengan orang yang bias dan tidak mempunyai rasional yang tetap. Adalah, seorang hamba Allah nih... Bila die nampak kesalahan aku buat, die punya tegur sumpah pedas-pedas macam kuah ayam penyet. Berpeluh telinga kau dengar. Silap-silap bernanah, cholesteatoma semua dapat. Ok over.

but kalau die buat benda yang sama, ehhh, ok jahhh. Aada jek alasan die bagi. Alasan yang kadang-kadang merepek dan tak diterima akal pun ade.

Contoh lah, kalau orang kentut in public, wow kemain carut kutuk lagi. But kalau die yang kentut in public, kemain lagi alasannya... Makanan pedas sangat lah, kurang minum air lah, rasa tak sihat jadik tak boleh kawal injap punggung lah. Memang kau tak dapat nak lawan la bro. Tiaw camner lah, memang bukan salah die kalau die kentut in public. Everything else in the world is to be blamed but not him.

Again, ape aku nak buat kalau jumpa lagi dengan orang macam ni?