Stuck on you

I am but a shadow,
Non-existent in the absence of matter,
A huge nothingness without light,
Insignificantly rooted to the bottom of things

I wander far and wide,
Mute, and searching for the purpose of life,
Indefinitely disappointing myself with failure,
For life is a gift I have yet to receive

There are times when I imagine happiness,
How would it feel to be noticed,
Not stepped on and to roam on my own,
Life is full of "what ifs" and I've asked none

Hot and cold mean arguably less to me,
But the light and the dark naughtily toy with my days,
Torturing me with ultimate uncertainties,
A never-ending game of order and obedience



.

So whaddya do when you're stressed out by exams?

For me, I simply stress myself more by studying. Just when my brain can't absorb any other things but porn to rest, I turn to MUSIC. Yes. Very GLEEK of you Syam.

Oh well, singing your ass out really does help you reduce your stress level, release more serotonin and dopamine, and then you'll be more active and somehow a few gigabytes of the wastes in your brain is freed and there you go, more space for more inputs.

I know that I don't sound as good as my other siblings or friends, but who the fuck cares. I just love to belt it out in the toilet, car, Markaz Alif Baa Taa etc2.

I've killed 3 papers, another 11 to go. KILL ME!

credits to the guitarist, Hazim Zulkifli

P/S : Rebecca Black, awas!

to meet, to part, and to meet again

 Port Klang. The place I fell in love with you

Hey you,
Remember that night,
We went to the sea,
I counted stars,
You were there for me

Hey you,
Did you notice me tremble?
The first time I held out a hand,
You took it confidently,
I tried to be cool as a real man

Hey you,
Remember the laughs we had?
The smiles we gave,
The tears we shed,
Those are the things I crave

Hey you,
Did you notice my voice shook?
The time you called was just right,
I was waiting for my luggage at the airport,
But really, I was waiting for your "sayang alright?"

Hey you,
I never had the chance to tell you,
My heart quivered at every touch,
Your smiles were candies,
Now I miss them so much

Hey you,
Though the time we spent was short,
The hours we had were countable,
I pray that our paths would somehow meet,
And hopefully then we are both single

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missin you...

Lyrics | Taylor Swift lyrics - Back to December lyrics

ilhamku kontang untuk mengarang (with Hanam Hamid)

malam semalam bulan mengambang
ilhamku kontang untuk mengarang


lihatlah pada bunga yang kembang,
cantiknya mekar ilham tak kurang.


bukan salah alam terbentang,
jiwa ini gurun gersang
       

sangka kau leka dek bulan dan bintang,
rupanya teringat wajah seseorang
       

belum hati dipunya orang,
bunga pujaan di taman terlarang
       

usah diingat, usah dikenang,
jodoh Tuhan takkanlah hilang.       


tidak rancang, tidak dikenang,
dalam tidur gurauan bayang,
tidak ku pinta akal melayang,
mendamba cinta seindah wayang

       
bukan ditilik air yang tenang,
dalam hati beralas sayang,
bukanlah milik empunya barang,
sekali dibiar selamanya berulang.       


air yang tenang dibiar tenang,
sayangnya hati dialas karang,
tampak indah di mata orang,
bukan hiasan alang-alang,
tajamnya nian bukan kepalang,
tiada yang sudi datang bertandang
       

makin dikarang makinnya garang,
sumbu pelita terlebih terang,
dibiar jiwa asyik mengulang,
disebut lidah tak pernah lekang,
ditanam di hati tak juga hilang,
bagai pagar tidak berpacang,
bagai kuda tiada dikekang,
selagi disebut harta terlarang,
barangkali meranap seluruh tiang,
hilanglah iman rosaklah ladang.       


pelita api dipasang petang,
makin lewat makin terang,
tiba waktu terangnya hilang,
yang tinggal jelaga di tiang,
ibaratnya ini igauan bayang,
makin dicanang, makin dikenang,
namun mimpi tak mungkin berpanjang,
kelak akan dimamah siang,
tak rela diri hidup seorang,
tiada teman usia ku usang,
hanya doa dan hidup dijuang,
di tanganNya pasrah ku bentang

___________________________________
Rangkap ganjil  : Syamsuddin bin Faruok
Rangkap genap : Hanam Hamid

a bridge

I am now crossing the bridge from my theoretical years of medical school to the islands of clinical studies. Exam starts tomorrow, and InsyaAllah, my last paper (the 14th paper, to be exact) will be on July 22nd. I am hoping that everyone who knows me would pray for my perseverance through these trying times, and of course pray for my success too.

The waters beneath this bridge is too treacherous, and if I fall, touchwood, the wave would send me back to the beginning of my 3rd year. Which is not cool.

*currently at the spa drinking milkshake and flipping through Parasitology notes on my laptop. I feel like an adult already. lol.*

pic credit to epul tampin

Khas buat B.P.

Padamu ku utuskan kalimah penuh perasaan
Untuk ku menyatakan apa yang tersirat di hatiku
Dalam tidak kau sedari kau hanya menyintaiku
Sedang ku mencuba melangkah pergi dari hidupmu

Kau... yang sering membahagiakan
Di kala ku kesedihan
Tak mungkin dapat ku lupakan

Ku... hanya ingin kau mengerti
Apa yang ku miliki
Cuma harapan yang sirna

Lupakanlah semua kenangan
Yang bisa buat kau bersedih
Sampai di sini saja cinta yang dipertahankan
Anggaplah ini suratan satu perpisahan
Maafkan ku andai dirimu terluka

..and more, much more than this...

I did it MY WAY

Chain Of The Universe

Pernah tak korang terasa macam cuba nak memahami semua yang berlaku di dalam alam nih? Pernah tak rasa macam kamu ingin cari segala sebab dan musabab bagi setiap perkara yang berlaku dan bagaimana setiap itu akan mempengaruhi masa depan dan keadaan sekeliling kamu? This kind thinking has been seen in almost every society in the world. Pening kan bila dah mula, its kinda of hard to stop.

Let me give u an example.

contoh 1)
Pernah tak jalan-jalan, dan nampak ada orang miskin minta sedekah. Kamu ada duit, dan rasa simpati itu ada. Tapi ada sesuatu yang menghindari dari bersedekah. Akhirnya kamu berlalu dan teruskan perjalanan. Pernah tak kamu fikir yang ada beberapa kemungkinan yang menyebabkan kamu tidak bersedekah tadi?

1) Allah telah menetapkan rezeki orang miskin itu bukan dari tangan kamu
2) Syaitan/nafsu berjaya menggoda kamu untuk tidak berbuat kebaikan
3) Allah telah menetapkan pahala bersedekah bukan milik kamu ketika itu
4) Kamu memang kedekut

contoh 2)
kamu seorang pelajar, tetapi malas untuk mengulangkaji. kadang-kadang rasa insaf dan buka buku, tetapi kemudian malas semula. Pernah tak fikir apa yang sebabkan kamu malas?

1) Allah menguji kamu dalam bidang istiqamah menuntut ilmu/ qada' dan qadar
2) Syaitan/nafsu berjaya melalaikan kamu.
3) Rezeki berjaya dalam exam bukan milik kamu
4) Kamu memang malas

then teringat this piece of ayat quran. Al-Aaraf, 14-17.

Iblis berkata, “Berilah tempoh kepadaku (untuk menggoda manusia) hingga hari mereka dibangkitkan (hari kiamat).” Allah berfirman : “Sesungguhnya engkau daripada golongan yang diberi tempoh (ke suatu amsa yang tertentu).” Iblis berkata : “Oleh sebab Engkau (wahai Tuhan) menyebabkan aku tersesat (maka) sesungguhnya aku akan bersungguh-sungguh menghalangi mereka (daripada) jalan-Mu yang lurus. Kemudia aku akan mendatangi mereka dari hadapan mereka serta dari belakang mereka dan dari kanan mereka serta dari kiri mereka. (Sehingga) Engkau tidak akan dapati kebanyakan mereka bersyukur.”

So basically we human beings are doomed sebab iblis akan berusaha goda kite dari kiri kanan depan blakang... But kita kena ingat yang Allah telah menetapkan qada' dan qadar. Kalau Allah dah tetapkan kita tergoda dek nafsu/iblis, are we defenseless agaisnt damnation?

“Truly, God does not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.” (Quran 13:11)

so yeah, its all up to us. menyalahkan qada' dan qadar is simply silly.



p/s: I'm typing without valid references of a proper teacher or books. merely by pondering and wondering my own thoughts. If I am wrong, do correct me.

I don't love you any less, but I can't love you anymore

How do I break it to my heart,

That its gotta get over you,

How do I learn to live apart,

From the one I gave my life to

Well right here, right now,

Better turn me inside out,

So I can just move on

So bring all the pain, let it kill your memory,

Bring on the rain, let it drown what's left of you and me,

I know the only way I'm ever gonna make it,

Is burying the best of us even though its killing me,

'Cause I don't you any less, I just can't love you anymore

How will I, learn to trust again,

If I can't forget you,

How will I, let a new love in,

If I'm still holding on to you

All these angry tears,

And those wasted years,

The only way I'll ever let 'em go

Is to bring all the pain, let it kill your memory,

Bring on the rain, let it drown what's left of you and me,

I know the only way I'm ever gonna make it,

Is burying the best of us even though its killing me,

'Cause I don't you any less, I just can't love you anymore

My long lost favourite quote

"Ain't a stalker, net's a b*tch"