a little bit of this, a little bit of that.

I've always thought that I could overcome any obstacles in life. That everything could be put in the past, that all mistakes could either be mended, forgiven, or stored in a distant square on the edge of my memory block. The truth is, however, some mistakes aren't meant to be undone, nor could it be forgiven, and are always at my hand's reach, in sight.

There was a time when I hated a person for not loving me the way I had hoped. Now I've realized that love, trust and affections aren't easily obtained, no matter how much you try to force them down the throat. Some pieces of the puzzles just won't fit the whole picture, an error that could not be repaired. Though I have really tried my best to channel my thoughts and affections to the ways that I used to follow, it didn't work out. I thought I needed time to adjust myself to the new circumstances, but it felt like I was exerting too much effort to actually feel anything at the end of the day. Love shouldn't be that hard.

There is nothing else I could say or do. I'm tired of leaving things hanging in the air, not knowing where or what  to step on. Our lives have been stagnant for far too long. It is time to move on (really move on) and start anew. Sorry may not be enough, not even appropriate in fact. We should stop blaming each other, or anyone for what has become of us. I really need to stop feeling sorry over everything. I really really wish to stop getting hurt by the same things over and over again, and above all, I wish to stop hurting you with my presence.

I really don't wish to hate anyone (ok this is a lie. there is someone i really hate, but let's not go there), or being hated by anyone, especially by someone whom have shared precious moments with me in the past two years.

Call it insufficient, or inappropriate... I'm sorry.

Love Note

Dear lover,
The heart that you're eyeing is very fragile,
Do not touch it if you're not a serious buyer,
Be gentle as it hasn't got any owners for a while.
Its an antique and has gone through the mills,
Maintaining it can be a boring business,
It needs care and attention that spills

Dear lover,
Be careful with my heart,
I'm tired of putting it back together,
For when it breaks its pieces fall far apart
And worse it would never be as it was before,
Some tiny parts would go forever missing,
Like some ugly scars with no cure

Mungkin

Cuba lihat awan di langit itu,
Perlahan berlayar di lautan biru,
Tiada henti membelah angkasa,
Tiba waktu ia kan sirna,

Seperti juga bulan di langit tinggi,
Meminjam cahaya sang mentari,
Indah nian di malam hari,
Tiba subuh ia kan pergi,

Lihat pula si bongkok tua,
Sudahlah bongkok bertongkat pula,
Gagah menyahut seruan yang Esa,
Tiba waktunya terlena selamanya,

Air di tasik yang tenang bak kaca,
Sekali diusik cantik alunnya,
Cantik itu hanya sementara,
Tiba kemarau keringlah ia,

Lihat pula diri kita,
Seperti pohon bertangkai dua,
Terbiar layu di tepi kemboja,
Mungkin sudah tiba masanya

Messed Up

As i breathe in this tobacco,
I see myself from another's eye,
Man why am I so messed up,
Constantly waiting for the surreal,
Like a horse by a dry pond,
Waiting for water to magically spring

These endless yearnings are killing me,
Why was it never this hard before,
What had changed?
There was a time when I've had options,
Happiness came in bulks,
I had the first pick for everything

Is this what growing up means?
Having to wait for the good things,
Call me impatient, I don't care,
I never had to wait this long,
Nor was I ever this lost,
This road is confusing

Life is like a hot, tiring journey,
There isn't any pit stop to rest,
We don't run on fuel,
So there is no excuse for a break,
Every baby is cursed with problems,
Was my curse stronger than others?

As i put off this cigarette,
I came back into my own messed up self,
Trying to think straight,
But all I see is my bed and pillows,
Will resolve my problems tomorrow,
Didn't I say that last night?

Its one of those nights

There was a time when nighttime was beautiful,
The moon smiled and the stars danced,
Clouds were scarce,
Majestic skies above me

The air was just right,
Not too cold nor too warm,
Crickets were my symphony,
Loneliness was fabled dreams

These days dusk is a drag,
The same moon doesn't smile anymore,
The stars are stupid stationary lights,
The sky looks heavy and sad

The air is never right,
Always chilling me to my core,
Crickets' songs are nuisance,
Loneliness is a tireless company