Messed Up

As i breathe in this tobacco,
I see myself from another's eye,
Man why am I so messed up,
Constantly waiting for the surreal,
Like a horse by a dry pond,
Waiting for water to magically spring

These endless yearnings are killing me,
Why was it never this hard before,
What had changed?
There was a time when I've had options,
Happiness came in bulks,
I had the first pick for everything

Is this what growing up means?
Having to wait for the good things,
Call me impatient, I don't care,
I never had to wait this long,
Nor was I ever this lost,
This road is confusing

Life is like a hot, tiring journey,
There isn't any pit stop to rest,
We don't run on fuel,
So there is no excuse for a break,
Every baby is cursed with problems,
Was my curse stronger than others?

As i put off this cigarette,
I came back into my own messed up self,
Trying to think straight,
But all I see is my bed and pillows,
Will resolve my problems tomorrow,
Didn't I say that last night?